Volunteering with my son at the FORCE conference
While volunteering at the recent 4th annual Joining Forces conference in Orlando, Florida, I attended the first-ever FORCE spouse’s support session. Thanks to a generous grant from GlaxoSmithKline, we were able to have a dedicated room for a facilitated support and networking session Friday evening of the conference. Psychologist Paul Kredow, spouse of Chicago FORCE outreach coordinator, Ziva Kredow facilitated the meeting. As the husband of FORCE founder Sue Friedman, I’ve attended every conference and numerous other FORCE events. The number of men attending these events has typically been small, so I didn’t have high expectations for a large turnout this year: I was surprised when we filled the meeting room with 16 men. We sat in a circle and everyone took a turn sharing their story and explaining why they were at the conference. At the end of that session I left with the belief that there is an unmet need for support among FORCE spouses and partners. Overall it had been a positive experience that, in my opinion, should be continued and even expanded.
I have been immersed in FORCE since its inception; at first with just a toe, and now with most of my body. In the beginning, I assisted Sue so she would have more time to dedicate to FORCE. Later, as FORCE began to grow in size and importance, I became more involved, running errands, mailing materials, and helping to find needed donors. I volunteered at FORCE events. And even when I stayed at home watching our son while Sue traveled to present, exhibit, and promote FORCE at other conferences, I knew I was serving the larger purpose of allowing her to help others and save lives through FORCE. My role was to provide support and encouragement to my wife so she and FORCE could survive and grow. I wanted all the people and families affected by hereditary breast and ovarian cancer to have an organization that was looking out for them, working for them, and providing for their needs. I wanted that organization to be their voice in the community. We didn’t have any of these resources when Sue was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 33 and subsequently discovered that she had a BRCA gene mutation. But now, due to her efforts, there is a place and resource for the hereditary cancer community. I am immensely proud of Sue for that, but also proud of my role in helping her make it happen.
During the men’s session at the conference, I realized that in the 13 years of our marriage since my wife was diagnosed with cancer, she has endured two separate mastectomies, three reconstructive surgeries, nipple tattooing, removal of her ovaries and uterus, loss of the ability to have another child, loss of a sense of security about her health, and a scarred body. I also realized for the first time that night that I too had been through a lot and survived. That maybe I could be helpful to other spouses, fiancés, and partners by sharing what made my experience smoother and easier and ultimately a journey of love and acceptance that had rewarded me with one of the greatest gifts of all: a committed, loving relationship with a partner for life.
If you have a story, thoughts, questions to share or post as a FORCE partner or spouse you can submit it them to me at: spouses@facingourrisk.org .
